In between meals he's been creating money, ex nihilo. Why? Why, to save our economy, of course. This week he picked $2 trillion dollars off of the money tree behind the Federal Reserve building on Constitution Ave. in Washington D.C. (Total number of references to the Federal Reserve in COTUS? Zero. Please ignore the irony of the street name. I digress...) He then loaded the money in a wheelbarrow, actually a LOT of REALLY BIG wheelbarrows and went to the Central Bank, filled out a deposit slip, and deposited the money in the account named "US Economy". I'm sure that must have been a fun transaction for the teller.
The beauty of this transaction is that Bernanke actually brought no money with him at all. Instead he just showed up at the bank with a deposit slip with the number 2,000,000,000,000 written on it and handed it to the teller.
Teller: How can I help you today?
Bernanke: I just need to deposit this money in my account.
Teller: What's the name on the account?
Bernanke: US Economy
Teller: One moment please. [Typing away.] Okay, Mr. ............. Bernanke?
Bernanke: Yes.
Teller: Do you have the money with you?
Bernanke: Yes, it's here in this deposit bag.
Teller: Very good. [Unzips bag.] Uhh, the bag is empty.
Bernanke: Yes?
Teller: Where's the money?
Bernanke: Oh, just add $2 trillion to my account. Trust me, it's okay.
Teller: But, I can't do that.
Bernanke: Sure you can. Just type it in. Here. [Takes keyboard. Types.] And there you are. In fact I threw in a couple million to your own account for fun.
Teller: That doesn't make any sense.
Bernanke: Doesn't matter. Oh, and I'd like to buy $300 billion in T-bills. Just take it out of the US Economy account.
Teller: Uhhh.....
Bernanke: Oh, and I'd like for your bank to buy $750 billion in mortgage-backed securities from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Teller: Uhhh....
Bernanke: Go ahead and borrow the money from my US Economy account. I'll loan it to you at zero interest.
Teller: Uhhh....
Bernanke: Oh, and while your at it, send $5 billion to various auto parts manufacturers. Just take it out of the same account.
Teller: Uhhh.... I'm sorry, none of this is making any sense.
Bernanke: Quit thinking. I do the thinking around here. Just do it. Trust me, this will work. Don't believe me? Just read about the Wymar Republic in Germany. Oh wait, no, don't read about that, read about Zimbabwe's, no, Argentina... no, um... Just do it! Just because this has never worked in the history of the world, doesn't mean it won't.
Okay, so maybe it didn't go quite like that. Probably Bernanke just did all this over the phone. But the practical result is the same. What does that mean to you? It means that wheat, honey, gold, silver, and other commodities would be a very good investment right now. Actually, I suspect we'll see some more deflation, as prices continue to fall. But towards the end of this year, or the beginning of next, inflation will get happy. Real happy, making your dollars more and more worthless.
By the way, did you know that in the history of paper currencies, not one has ever NOT become worthless at some point. No, not one. Don't worry, I'm sure ours will be the exception. Oh, and yes, the Federal Reserve pulled this kind of stuff in the '30's. The difference? We were still on the gold standard. Lucky for us, were no longer subject to that silly concept.
Happy days!
All info taken from these sources:
You can also listen to this.
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