A Typical News Day at NBC

[I wrote this last year somewhere in the midst of the presidential campaign. I don't remember why I wrote it or for what. Perhaps catharsis. This how the media typically slants a report. It's not that it's not factual, so much as the way it's presented.]

“…So make sure you grab an umbrella on the way out tomorrow. John?”

“Thanks, Nancy.

“In further news, the McCain campaign reported today that Presidential nominee Barack Obama was in the distant past associated with a ‘60’s radical, William Ayers. According to them, Ayers was associated with a 60’s protest group called The Weather Underground, who allegedly detonated a few explosive devices as part of their protesting the Vietnam war. NBC questioned Senator Obama at the homeless shelter where he frequently volunteers regarding this. [Video of children at school and on the playground.] He responded: “Ayers is just a guy on my street. Years ago we worked together on education issues.” NBC has been unable confirm the McCain camps allegations. However we did learn that Ayers and Obama did indeed work on improving education among Chicago’s underprivileged children.

“In other news, NBC learned today that 72 yr old John McCain, who could be the oldest elected president in history, has been plagued with melanoma in the past. [Slideshow of pictures of McCain with bandage on face.] Melanoma is a highly dangerous skin cancer that is often recurring and can be deadly. Experts estimate that in 2008 alone 8,400 deaths will be attributed to melanoma. We questioned a dermatologist at the University of Illinois regarding this:

[Video clip of doctor in office]
“Melanoma is very deadly. John McCain is lucky to be alive. He literally could keel over at any minute. At his advanced age it only becomes more and more difficult for him to keep the cancer at bay and when it does return, and it will, it will be that much more difficult to fight. He should expect to spend a lot of his coming years in a hospital or doctor’s office.”

“Tune in later tonight as NBC does a one hour special report on melanoma.”

“Julia?”

“Thanks, John.

[Video of Palin at rally.] “Gov. Palin spent the day campaigning in Pennsylvania today. Meanwhile, our Alaska correspondent was following a breaking story. Apparently Gov. Palin’s maverick-ness did not extend to the Wasilla PTA. Let’s go to Bruce on the scene in Wasilla. Bruce?”

“Thanks, Julia.

“Julia, I’m standing in front of the home of Robert and Janice Clayborn. This is where the Wasilla PTA has held their meetings for the past 22 years. It was here that then PTA member Sarah Palin met Glenda Barns, mother of three, fellow PTA member, and member of the Alaska Hunting Association. At the time Glenda’s 14 yr old daughter, like many of the youth in this small town, was struggling with math. Apparently Glenda’s daughter, Tyanne, soon began meeting Mrs. Palin at the Palin residence where Mrs. Palin would help her with her math.

[Video of Bruce interviewing Glenda Barns.]

Glenda: After a couple of study sessions Ty…Tyanne brought over some cookies she had baked to give to Mrs. Palin.

Bruce: As a token of her appreciation?

Glenda: Yeah. It was just that one time. I think she only went to the Palin’s once or twice after that.

[End of video.]

Bruce:
“Only one problem: [Sinister music begins, black and white photos of Palin, etc.] PTA rules forbid any board members from accepting any gifts of more than $50 in value. We’ve been unable to get an answer from Gov. Palin as to the estimated value of the cookies, no doubt due to the strict gag the McCain camp has on Mrs. Palin answering questions from the press. So we contacted a gourmet cookie shop in New York who says a plate of two dozen cookies, depending on the type, could run anywhere from $75 to $125. Gov. Palin may have said ‘No thanks’ to the bridge to nowhere, but she apparently said ‘Yes’ to the cookies.

“We’ll be following this story to hopefully get a response from the Palin camp on this, and to see if the cookies somehow influenced decisions made on the PTA board.”

“Julia?”

“Wow! Thanks Bruce. Uh, Bruce?”

“Yes, Julia?”

“Why do you think the Palin’s won’t answer questions about this? It would seem such a simple thing. Not answering questions would seem to give the impression that they’re hiding something.”

“Yes, Julia. That’s our thought as well. We’ve got thirteen investigators up here looking into it, and as soon as we hear something we’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, Bruce. Great job!”

“New poll numbers are in and it’s looking more and more like this race is over…….”