News Flash 2012

[I wrote this last year as well. It's short and crude, but somewhat humorous.]

We now interrupt our programming for this breaking news…

"A ring of rogue entrepreneurs has been infiltrated by federal agents. Agents obtained recordings of the group discussing ways to make more money than they are already allotted according to international income tables. The culprits were apprehended just moments ago. They were found with a handwritten copy of the original constitution of the United States and a banned copy of Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations. Agents are now searching their residences and expect to find information that will lead them to a larger underground free-market movement called Common Sense. Groups like these have been known to push mythical alternate histories regarding the origin of the United States of America. One such story suggests that an insurrection, or revolution, over taxes and unwanted government intervention erupted into what they call “The War of Independence”, but historians now understand to be the Proletariate Uprising of 1776.

"In the late 20th century groups like these were known to promote laws that would rob citizens of their Social Security Benefits. They also opposed the Universal Healthcare Movement. More recently they fought vigorously against SWI, the Spread the Wealth Initiative, which ultimately has culminated in the prosperity that we all now equally enjoy.

"Any persons that have information regarding or are connected in any way to this group are encouraged to come forward and put their country first by assisting Federal Agents in weeding out these anti-peace-and-stability groups before they do any permanent damage. Informants will be rewarded with letters of recommendation in their personal files and a one time 10% increase in their personal food allocation."

Now back to our program.